Funniest “Clean” Joke Contest

[Victoria]

Rules:

1. The contest will run from April 23rd–April 30th, with the prize being awarded on the evening of May 3rd.

2. Only one “clean” joke can be posted per member, so be sure to submit your funniest joke! If any member tries to post more than one joke, they will be deleted.

3. Any jokes containing inappropriate language or content will be deleted and the writer will be disqualified from this contest.

4. All members (including Ohno666, Rani and I) are allowed to cast 1 vote for the joke they find the funniest. Only 1 vote per member is allowed. Please “personal message me” the name of the person whose joke you think is the funniest by May 2nd, so I can tally the votes and post the winner on May 3rd.

5. The winner will get to select one of these prizes...


7,500 NP Sack


Evil Sloth Clone #177 (TCG)


Chocolate Éclair

Remember you can’t win if you don’t play so get your joke posted on the board by April 30th! Good luck!

[ladymalika]

Yay-new contest!!!
At last, a Monday to look forward to!

[ladymalika]

Do you want any help with prizes? I would like to help out if it's possible.

[Victoria]

ladymalika said:

Yay-new contest!!!
At last, a Monday to look forward to!

Yay! Doing anything that will make Monday a good day is well worth the effort!

[ohno666]

I wish i could participate

[rip]

clean joke .... im out

[Rani]

rip said:

clean joke .... im out

lol, are you serious?

[Victoria]

admin said:

I wish i could participate

Onno666...You can post a joke; you're just not eligible to win a prize! LOL!

[Victoria]

I'm not eligible to win a prize either, but I think this is a joke worth posting!

A very nervous little man, walked slowly into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Ummm, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his barstool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very fearful, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief? "What kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

The little man visibly shakin replied, "It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."

[Michelle]

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes ."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "
"ME ."

[ladymalika]

My knee jerk reaction was-- OMG the poor puppy!!!
*slaps herself in the head*

[jim]

What do you call the brunette sitting between two blondes?

The Interpreter

What do you call the Blonde sitting between two brunettes?

Mental block

[Victoria]

ladymalika said:

My knee jerk reaction was-- OMG the poor puppy!!!
*slaps herself in the head*

Awww ladymalika, when you think of it that way it's not funny at all! It's all my husband's fault, he told me the joke! Want me to pinch him for you? LOL!

[ladymalika]

No need to pinch your husband. Just get him a puppy.
You know, I like blonde jokes too, so here's mine:

There were three dumb blondes stuck on a river bank, wondering how they'd get across.
Suddenly a magic faerie appears in front of them.
"I will give each of you a wish" , the faerie informs them.
The first dumb blonde says, "I wish I had brains"
Poof!!! The faerie gives her brains, and the first blonde builds herself a raft and gets across the river.
The second blonde, upon seeing this, says "I wish for more brains!"
Poof!!! The faerie gives her more brains, and the second blonde builds herself a boat and gets across the river.
The third blonde looks at the faerie and says,"I wish I was a brunette!"
Poof!!! The faerie makes her a brunette, and she walks across the bridge.

[murf]

A police officer had just pulled over a car full of nuns for going too slow on a major highway.

Police officer: "Why were you driving so slowly?"

Nun driver: "I kept seeing all these signs with the number 20 on them and figured that was the speed limit."

Police officer: "No, Sister, that is the highway number."

Nun: "Oh, I'm so sorry, Officer, I didn't know that."

Then the police officer looks into the back seat and sees that the nuns there have panic-stricken faces and white knuckles from holding on to each other too tightly.

Police officer: "What's wrong with the nuns in the back seat?"

Nun: "Oh, we just got off Highway 166 a few miles ago."